sweet pardon -- sweet mercy

I have fallen Lord once more, and I can't go on, and I'll never succeed. I am ashamed, and I don't dare look at you. And yet I've struggled, Lord, for I knew You were right near me bending over me watching. But temptation blew in like a hurricane, and instead of looking to You, I've turned my head away and stepped aside while You stood silent and sorrowful like the spurned fiancee who sees his loved one carried off by his rival. When the wind had died down as suddenly as it had risen, when the lightning sea stopped up proudly streaking the darkness, all of a sudden I found myself alone...and ashamed -- disgusted with my sin in my hands. This tasteless sin, this odious sin, the sin that so sickens me. My arms outstretched, my eyes and heart irresistably drawn. I'm so ashamed that I feel like crawling to avoid being seen. I'm ashamed of being seen by You for You loved me and I forgot You. I forgot You because I was thinking of myself, and one can't think of several persons at once. One must choose, and I chose. And now, Lord, Your voice, Your look, and Your love, they hurt me. They weigh me down more than my sin. Lord, please don't look at me like that. I'm naked and dirty, down and shattered with no strength left, and I dare not make anymore promises. I can only stand bowed before You, Lord.

Come on, son, look up. Isn't it merely that your vanity is wounded? If you loved Me, you would grieve, but you would trust. Do you think there is a limit to My love? Do you think for a moment that I have stopped loving you? But you still rely on yourself, son. You must rely on Me. Ask my pardon, and get up quickly. You see, it's not falling that is the worst but staying on the ground.